Becoming a Great-Grandmother

I went to see my new great-grandson this afternoon. Born just 6 days ago, it was my first time to hold him and snuggle him in my arms. Precious little bundle, our "Sweet Baby Ray," so amazingly alert and focused, I was overwhelmed with joy!  My daughter arrived shortly after me and watching her gather this tiny one up in her arms - her first grandson! - I felt washed in blessings from the Lord. There we were in my granddaughter's living room, FOUR GENERATIONS - and I exclaimed right out loud, "Not all people live to hold and know and love their great-grandchildren!" It feels like a very special blessing from God and it's even different from when I first became a grandmother. I remember that bubbling- over, joyful, exciting time. There was a knowing that I would get to be a very real and close part of that little granddaughter's life, as well as the ones that followed. But this - this great-grandmother role - truly is different. It's quiet. It's gentle. There's a knowing that the grandparents will be the ones so actively involved - and I will be in the background, hopefully a strong and solid example for them to follow. 

My situation with my husband will prevent me from doing much more. His condition deteriorates continually.  He is tormented almost nightly now with hallucinations that convince him he is doesn't know this place he is in (our house) and he needs to get "home." I soothe him with singing, pray over him, and do everything I can to make him feel safe and secure, like a toddler afraid of the monster under the bed.  My Dementia coach tells me that for those with this disease, the word "home" is not a place; it's a feeling. So, even as my granddaughter swaddles her newborn and gives him the strong sense of love and security, so do I now do this for my 76-year-old husband. Life's journeys take such unexpected turns! But in all these things I am blessed by the God who sees me and gives ME His strong sense of love and security.

In my prayer time last night I asked Him to give me a word and in my spirit I heard "Proverbs 18:21." I turned to the page and marveled at the words: "Many are the plans in a man's heart; but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."  

"Am I fulfilling YOUR purpose for my life, Father?" Please tell me. After some silence I wrote what I heard:  "I AM the One who sees you. You falter. You make mistakes. But what I see is Love. Even when you grow weary and no longer feel like you love your husband, what I see is Love; a sacrificial, merciful and compassionate love, an unwavering love. You love him with MY love when yours runs dry. I AM the One who sees. Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded." (Jer. 31:16)

The words from my Abba Father now hold ME fast in his big, everlasting arms and I am "home!"