While We Are in This Tent We Groan

2 Corinthians 5:1-4:
Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed, but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by LIFE.

I assure you that I have read that passage many, many times in my life, but without full understanding. Now, through the events of my husband John's last weeks and days, I feel I have personally witnessed  a full illustration of what Paul was trying to show us in this Scripture.

The thing that first struck me was that he used the word groan twice.  "Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling," (verse 2). "For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened." Paul refers to our mortal bodies as a tent, as compared to our "eternal house in heaven not built by human hands." In other words, these bodies we inhabit are temporary, penetrable, slowly wearing out. I watched for many years as John's tent slowly wore out and deteriorated. And in that process, toward the end, I also saw and heard him groaning (literally), and longing for his heavenly dwelling. By the time he was transferred to the hospice inpatient facility, John had no more words. Language was gone, replaced by much groaning and flailing and distress. 

I sat at his side those four days in hospice and recalled all the times he expressed such heavenward desires to leave this earth and be with Yeshua. There was the day I went into our bedroom and found him lying face up on the bed, covered in a white sheet, with his tennis shoes on! I whispered in his ear, "Why are you in bed with your shoes on?"  Startled, he seemed to come out of a faraway place and he responded, "I want to be ready for Jesus. He's coming to get me."

This was a theme for John in his last year of life. Many, many times he would anxiously, urgently plead with me to "take him home" and I would either go outside and walk with him or drive him, wishing I could understand where he was really wanting to go. In retrospect I now realize that all those desperate times were the burden he carried. "While we are in this tent we groan and are burdened because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life!" (verse 4). 

I truly get it now. And as I mentioned above, in his last four days John groaned out loud in distress, with heavy, labored breathing. I felt so helpless, as even my voice and my touch did not seem to comfort him. Finally, on the third day he was there, the Director/Nurse Practitioner called me into her office. She asked me to tell her about John's childhood. As I shared with her the cruel abuse he suffered at the hands of his father, she lowered her head and nodded sadly.  "I work with the dying every day, Often, when there are events left unresolved and unforgiven, the dying person is in great distress, trying to find some resolution and peace. He probably needs to forgive his father."

I took that powerful information and went straight back into John's room. I cradled his jerking, flailing head in my arms and held his ear near to my mouth. Then, led by the Holy Spirit, I gently told him "I will be praying some prayers right now on your behalf. I know you don't have words to pray, so I am going to do it for you and with you." I prayed forgiveness over his father, forgiveness over his children, and I prayed for him to forgive himself." Immediately his body relaxed completely, his head gently laid back on the pillow and his breathing totally changed to a gentle, even rhythm. My tears spilled out onto his face and I praised and thanked God for showing me what burden John was carrying, and how to help him release this burden "so that what was mortal could be swallowed up by LIFE!" ETERNAL LIFE!

He remained in this quiet, peaceful place for exactly 24 hours, and then he died. And I rejoiced! At last he was away from the body (that worn out tent) and AT HOME WITH THE LORD" (2 Cor. 4:8).