.Thank you to those dear ones who have been "checking in on me." I'm doing well, knowing that Yeshua is my heavenly husband. There are so many scriptures in the Bible that speak about how much God loves and provides for the widows and the orphans! I started noticing small things that God was doing to bless and keep me right from the time John passed away and I am even making a list of them! I will enjoy sharing a few of these God-moments with  you.

Something that I knew would bring me joy and also help me move forward was the makeover of our master bedroom.  I decided to sell John's very large, solid wood and very masculine dresser. I posted it on Facebook Marketplace and a couple soon came in the evening to purchase it. I suggested they might want to pull the drawers out and carry them first so it would be lighter. Upon pulling out the third drawer the young man was having trouble as it seemed to be stuck. He reached down and looked underneath the drawer and there was a wad of cash that came to $350! Ah, my dear husband John, whose father went through the depression! He believed in stashing things away for a rainy day; and I found myself so glad and grateful as I had spotted a beautiful, very feminine antique dresser I wanted for myself. Now I could afford it! The only thing wrong was that it was a dark grey color and I wanted white furniture. I messaged the woman about it and told her I loved it but needed it to be white. "I'll paint it for you!" she exclaimed. 

Really? Who does this? She didn't ask for more money and she seemed very delighted to make it the way I wanted it. A few days later she messaged that the dresser was ready and she and her husband would deliver it. Again, my jaw dropped. Who does THAT?  Yet, here they were a few hours later, carrying this very heavy dresser right into my bedroom and placing it against the wall. I praised God all day for the unusual kindness of these people! 

A couple of days later I started thinking about an order I had placed for some supplies for John, realizing that I could no longer use them. I went to my laptop and opened up the website to locate the status of the order. I saw that it was to ship that very day, so I called the company and spoke with a representative, asking if it  would be permissible for me to send it back for full credit.  He said, "Yes, if it's unopened we can take it back." As I thanked him and hung up, the mail truck pulled up to my box across the street! I grabbed my shoes and jacket, ran across as fast as I could and asked the mailman if he had a package for me. It was in his hands! I told him I needed to return it so he pointed a little scanner at the box, there was a beep sound, and then he said, "There you go. It's returned!"

I don't know about you, but things don't normally go like that for me.  I have long lamented the almost total absence of customer service in our world today and since I don't scan QR codes and digital coupons and jump through all the rest of the high-tech hoops that we seniors can barely navigate, I truly felt the Lord had once again met me right where I was, meeting the small need of returning a package and getting my money back. The credit showed up on my bank statement today. Hallelujah!

So, there are those good days when I'm feeling happy that John is safe in Heaven with the Lord, his mind perfectly restored; and then there are days like yesterday. Yes, I had another little meltdown yesterday.  I know these times when the tears freely flow are actually good, working a cleansing in my soul. So when they stopped, I went into the bathroom and soaked a wash cloth in hot water to wash my face - when suddenly my words from a blog written about a year ago came back to me!
"Stand at the Jordan River waiting for God to tell you when and where to cross. He will.
Weep deeply over the life you hoped would be.
Grieve the losses.
Then wash your face.
Trust God.
Embrace the life you have.

Oh, friends, here I was, grieving the losses, then washing my face. But this time it's completely different. This time, in trusting God, I really CAN embrace the life I have, as well as the wonderful life that's just ahead of me!

I have just come back home from officiating the memorial service for my dearest, long-time friend, Pam. I have not told the story of the amazing miracle God did for me and Pam, but the story must be told. It is a heart-warming and remarkable proof of how intimately God wants to be in the midst of our daily lives, and how MUCH He cares!

Pam became very ill last April and her doctor could not make a diagnosis so she was hospitalized early last May. With mysterious rash all over her body, hypothermia causing her to be freezing and shivering all day and then high body temperatures at night, causing her to sweat and suffer, doctors were puzzled by her case and performed countless tests to try to find the cause of all this. Between May and November of this year, Pam spent endless days and nights in four different hospitals. My heart was broken not only for her, but also for me, because I could not leave John to go and minister to Pam in her hospital beds. Oh, how I wanted to spend some time praying and singing over her, but the drives to these hospitals was prohibitive. I didn't have anyone who could spend that long with John. 

Finally when the leaves had fallen off the trees and November had arrived, doctors got a definitive diagnosis for Pam. She was in Stage 4 T-Cell Lymphoma. They knew it was too late for treatments, so they moved her to Room 3 in Pathways Inpatient Hospice Care Center in Fort Collins. Sadly, that too was quite a drive from my house, and John had declined so steeply that I was keeping 24/7 care over him and still could not leave.

I mentioned in my last Blog that John was also taken to Pathways Hospice -- but I didn't tell you this whole story! Pam was already in Room 3. On November 15, John was taken to this same beautiful facility and placed in Room 2 - directly across the hall from Pam! I could scarcely believe it! What a miracle our Mighty God did in bringing my dear friend and my husband together for the last few days of their lives! I could read Scripture and sing to John, and then walk across the hall and read and sing over Pam. It was incredible! My daughter, who is the high school choir teacher here in Eaton, brought her worship songbook on Sunday afternoon and sat down at the beautiful big grand piano in the Great Room to play wonderful praise songs for John and Pam. We wheeled their hospital beds into the Great Room, and there they lay, side by side, eyes closed peacefully, spirits being washed in the worship songs they knew and loved so well! And I believe God must have brought John home first so he could be there to welcome his dear sister Pam into the glorious Heavenly Kingdom! 

We celebrated all this at Pam's service today. It was for me, yet again another glimmer of understanding that God is fulfilling Isaiah 57:1, bringing home many of His righteous ones in this season. "The righteous one is taken away from evil. He (she) shall enter into peace; They shall rest in their beds, each one walking in his uprightness."  As I drove home from Pam's service today, a message came through on my phone. Another one from our Dementia support groups is making her way home . She too is a fiery believer in Jesus. It feels like God is building up His heavenly Army!

So many of you have sent lovely cards to my mailbox and they have been filled with SO MANY awesome words of encouragement and so much love. Also, so many have called to ask, "Kelly, HOW ARE YOU DOING?" It has been tough to answer that question. I had been holding up well through the first couple of weeks after John died. But then there came an inevitable day of mourning when the tears started to flow as I rose from my bed in the morning and never ceased until I lay down at night to try to sleep. It was as if a dam burst - the one that had been holding back tears for many years, so that I would stay strong and not fall apart! And I also sensed that they were holy tears; but I didn't know why I was feeling that until I just read Oswald Chambers' devotion for December 12:
"When love or the Spirit of God come upon a person, he is transformed. He will then  no longer insist on his individuality or his isolated position. Once your rights to yourself are surrendered to God, your true personal nature begins responding to God immediately. The transformation is brought about by LOVE. Love is the overflowing result of one person in true fellowship with another."

For me, that explained everything. I was mourning the loss of the other half of me! The other half of my "one flesh" in marriage, the fellowship that had transformed my "I" into "we." I had surrendered my rights to myself, and the love that bound me to John was indeed  transformational. So...how am I doing now? I am overwhelmed by thanksgiving for all these life-changing lessons, and for the holy ground I have been  walking on, in true fellowship with another!