Once again I marvel at how long it has been since I've written on this blog! Time seems to be accelerating greatly. When I awoke this past Wednesday I glanced at the calendar and it was astonishing to me to realize that it was exactly one year since John's death. How could an entire year have gone by? Memories of those last four anguished days in the hospice facility came flooding over me; yet then I realized what I needed to do to mark this one year anniversary of my husband's promotion to glory. 

I have shared on this blog about the leading I have felt to answer God's call to begin the work of an End of Life doula. Holy Spirit had made it clear I was not to step forward into this until one year had passed. That means it is time! I had already printed business cards and rack cards to distribute to local hospices, memory care facilities and nursing homes. Now it was time to distribute them and really offer myself to this work. As I stepped into my car, I felt a sense of fear rising.  It was as if a subtle voice was cautioning me, "You're not ready and you're not capable of doing this. Turn around and go back into the house and forget all this." It was true. I felt somewhat afraid of putting these cards out there, my confidence fading.  But I chose to ignore the voice and drove on.

I'm so glad that the first place I went was the wonderful hospice where John took his last breath. The social worker who had come to our home during John's last two months met me and threw his arms around me in a sweet, jovial hug. "Kelly!" he exclaimed, "I saw John's name on my computer this morning and knew it was the first anniversary of his passing. I'm so glad to see you!"  I handed him the cards and he stopped to read them all the way through, then put his hand on my shoulder and with great joy he stated, "You were chosen for this, to minister God's love to the dying. You are needed!"

I climbed back into my car, and I prayed to the Father, confessing, "I don't know why I don't have my usual confidence and self-assurance. This work seems too big for me and I don't know if I can do it." His kind voice responded to me, "Moses didn't have any confidence either. He told me to find somebody else! Gideon had no confidence. He told me he was the smallest and most insignificant of his family. Remember that I don't call the equipped. I equip the called. Now go and distribute the cards and trust Me." 

It was an empowering answer!  I visited several other facilities before stopping to see a good friend on my way home. She was in my dementia support group and her husband passed away last April. Our bond of walking this long, wearying road together is strong.  She made me a cup of tea and then handed me a yellow envelope with several printed pages inside. All she said was, "This is for you."  

This morning I opened the envelope while I was drinking my morning coffee. I was not really prepared for the intense beauty, solace, and power this gift brought to me! It is a small manuscript entitled "Song of Sighs," written by Susannah Spurgeon, wife of the great and timeless preacher, C.H. Spurgeon. She wrote this amazing paper upon his death, and it contained so much insight and healing of sorrow and grief, that my heart just exploded with the impartation of the Holy Spirit and the clear answers God was giving me!  Susannah wrote of a time when God had greatly consoled her in her grief, and she said, "I received constant testimony to the fact that, in a very remarkable way, God was using the experience He had given me as a balm and cordial to heal and soothe others of His bereaved children; and none but myself can tell how precious was this knowledge to my aching heart. He Himself has done it! The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the Name of the Lord. Is our dear Master to hear only sobs and sighs, and see only tears and sorrow, when he asks for His own beloved ones back again, that they may be with Him, and behold His glory? Nay, truly, for all His will is love."   

On November 5 a very beloved friend of John's and mine passed away in Ava, Missouri. I was called upon to drive back there and honor him with a memorial service and I was able to spend three precious days with his sorrowful wife. During those days she and I began to explore together the wonder of what our husbands must be experiencing NOW. As our hearts and minds began to focus on the glory, the joy, the unspeakable thrill of being in the very presence of Jesus, our Savior and all His angels, we began to discover anew what Susannah wrote. Her "Song of Sighs" is nine beautiful pages long, but two scripture passages she brought forth will compel me forward to meet God's call. She quotes Paul in Philippians 1:23: "I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far."  And she reminds us of the words that Yeshua/Jesus spoke to His disciples, "If you loved Me, you would rejoice because I go to the Father." (John 14:28) 

These passages will be springing forth in me often now as I endeavor to minister to the dying and the grieving. I hope this blog will minister to YOU if you find yourself sorrowing over great loss. Susannah's closing words were these: "Many such ponderings were in my heart during those sad and sacred days; but the conclusion to them all was this -- that there was no earthly bliss, no ravishing prospect, no precious ties of wedded love, no "best" that this world or its relationships could give, which was not silenced, and surpassed, and beyond measure outweighed - by the blessed fact that to BE WITH CHRIST WAS FAR BETTER!"

May your Thanksgiving holiday be filled with joy and blessings! Mine will be filled with thanks and rejoicing that my husband John, my baby daughter Dena, and my beloved friends Pam and Ray, who died this past year, are with Yeshua - which is far better!

Amen!

 I have just returned home from a joyous and blessed celebration of the Feast of Tabernacles with the Beit Yeshua congregation in Nevada. John and I had traveled out for this feast day celebration a few times before and have remained dear friends with the wonderful people there. I had the great joy of leading worship and teaching from the bible each day. The weather was beautiful and the mountains and pine forests surrounding us made a great setting for the week-long campout. Bright red apples were falling from the trees by the bushel full and several in the congregation brought in jars of honey, elderberry syrup, and apple butter to share from their land.

We are to keep this Feast of the LORD as He commanded His people in Leviticus, in Numbers and in Deuteronomy. Deuteronomy 16:13-17 says, “You shall keep the Feast of Tabernacles for seven days, when you have gathered in the produce from your threshing floor and your wine press. You shall rejoice in your feast, you and your son and your daughter, your male servant and your female servant, the Levite, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow who are within your towns. For seven days you shall keep the feast to the Lord your God at the place that the Lord will choose, because the Lord your God will bless you in all your produce and in all the work of your hands, so that you will be altogether joyful."

Other verses explain that this is to be a time of remembering when the Lord God led His people through the wilderness for forty years, keeping them safe in their tents (or tabernacles).  This year, the Hebrew year 5786, held very great significance because the hostages were returned to their families in Israel on the seventh and final day of the biblical Feast of Tabernacles.  I personally became overwhelmed as I realized that these hostages were taken captive by Hamas in the brutal attack of October 7, 2023, exactly two years ago, which was ALSO the seventh and final day of the biblical Feast of Tabernacles (or Sukkot).  They were taken captive on that biblical Hebrew day and they were returned two years later on that same biblical Hebrew day. When I see God moving in such precision on HIS CALENDAR I know we must be paying attention! It always means something! So, let me share with you some of what He has showed me.
​
In ancient Israel, during the morning procession of that great Seventh Day, known as Hoshana Rabbah, worshipers circled the synagogue seven times with branches of willow and palm, chanting the biblical words of Psalm 118: “Hoshana – Save us, we pray, O Lord!” This day has long been called Yom HaYeshuah HaGadol – the Day of Great Salvation. This year, its meaning feels especially fitting.

The One For Israel website posts: "For two long years, Israel has fought, prayed, and wept for its sons and daughters to come home. Today, on Hoshana Rabbah, those prayers have been answered.
The hostages, held in captivity since the war began, are finally free – and a day once marked by cries for salvation has become a living image of redemption. The convergence is striking, reminding Israel that sorrow and deliverance often meet in God's appointed time — not by coincidence, but by divine design. This, too, adds to the sense among many that the timing of the hostages’ release bears the mark of mercy. More than a diplomatic achievement, it is a moment when a nation’s faith and tears converge in thanksgiving. The fragile sukkah, the temporary tabernacle we dwell in during this feast, symbolizes human vulnerability under divine protection. It reminds us that Israel’s security – and our own – does not depend primarily on walls, power, or human plans, but on the presence of God, who shelters His people “under the shadow of His wings.”

As the Book of Nehemiah tells of the first Sukkot celebrated by those returning from Babylonian captivity: “So the whole assembly of those who had returned from the captivity made booths and sat under the booths; ... And there was very great gladness.” Nehemiah 8:17  On this day, two years after their captivity began, Israel’s hostages too can once again sit in the sukkah – the fragile shelter of joy – together with their loved ones.

I sense in my Spirit that Father is demonstrating to the world that our well-being and security never depends on our own merit, but on His faithfulness to fulfill His promises, in His time and according to His plan. And even though this Day of Great Salvation has passed, we will still continue to cry out, "Hoshana!" - Save us, we pray!" because we pray that the veil will be lifted from Israeli eyes and they will come to know and receive Yeshua (which means Salvation)! God has answered prayers for restoration and the world seems to think there is now going to be a time of peace. But we who are in Yeshua know that true peace will only come upon His glorious return. So let this cry of Hoshana and the shout of Maranatha continue to ring out in the earth as we await the coming of our Deliverer, as we are promised in Romans 11:26: "and in this way all Israel will be saved. As it is written: “The Deliverer will come from Zion; he will turn godlessness away from Jacob."
Hallelujah! 

I have a personal note and request to add. I pray you may be moved to help. A couple of months ago when I sprained a second ankle, a young man from here in my community came into my life. A neighbor made me aware of his Facebook post that said MISSION: YARDWORK. The post explained that this young man, whose name is Matthew, felt he was called to offer free yardwork, mowing, trimming, etc. to elderly or handicapped individuals who could not do yardwork or mow their lawns. I had been wondering how I would be taking care of my lawn this past summer, but I called Matthew and he has been coming each week to help me, without taking any compensation. He has the kindest, most gentle heart and he shared with me that he hoped by helping those who need help he might begin to accumulate a list of customers and referrals so that he could start his own little landscaping business next spring. He was here last Wednesday for a final fall mowing and he helped me assemble my new dining set. Matthew talked about the Lord and his yearning to learn the Bible. He left my house on his small electric bike, pulling a little wooden cart with a mower in it -- and just outside of town he was rear-ended by a hit and run driver. His bike and trailer and equipment were all totaled. He himself did not have a scratch! God kept him safe, but it is heart-breaking to me that he lost all he had to begin his little business that has brought genuine help to so many.  If this touches your heart too, would you go to this link and leave a donation of any size to help Matthew? I would be truly grateful.
​Much love to you all!
 https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-matt-rebuild-mission-yardwork